President Trump’s new executive order requiring voters to show proof of citizenship has voting rights advocates concerned that it will prevent undocumented voters from voting.
“Our undocumented friends and neighbors already collect earned income tax credits and serve in prisons, now this will put another roadblock in their way of full and equal participation in our society,” complained Columbia Anacsota of the non-partisan immigrant rights group Muerte America.
“This measure discriminates against the most oppressed people in our society, those who can’t read and write English or any known language,” charged Omar Al-Hassan of the Somali-American community advocacy group: Dhimashada Maraykan. “Also members of resistance groups that crossed the border and want to pass the time by casting votes for the Green Party before they start running over infidel pedestrians for Allah.”
Civil rights experts funded by shady European billionaires who may or may not have committed war crimes during WWII are furious that the USAID checks are no longer coming. “Without undocumented extranational beings, wanted criminals, and serial killers unable to leave the victims in their dungeons long enough to visit the DMV, and other people incapable of getting proof of citizenship together, how will our party ever take back power and send us more money? George won’t live forever, you know.”
Still, experts in constitutional law who frequently appear on MSNBC, RT, Al Jazeera, and the Dearborn community channel Almawt Amrika are confident that an Obama judicial appointee in Hawaii will block the executive order on the grounds that it discriminates against non-citizens, non-law-abiding and the non-living.
For now though, our insufficiently undocumented and inadequately legal burden have one more burden to add to their endless suffering that we as law-abiding white heterosexual persons without pronouns couldn’t possibly understand but must subsidize.
(You may think this is satire, but all I did was slightly rewrite your average media article on the subject.)
